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When I spoke to Samhita Mukhopadhyay, a former executive editor of and the author of “Outdated: Why Dating Is Ruining Your Love Life,” she complained about men’s online profiles that list their favorite musicians and writers, but don’t include a single woman. I’ve long believed that dating like a feminist — which often involves making the first move — will weed out many of the guys with more rigid ideas about gender and relationships.It might also help identify the feminist man who doesn’t want to come on too strong or who feels it isn’t necessarily his responsibility to signal interest.But you don’t just wake up one day next to a partner who’s enlightened because he grew up with lesbian aunts. And then she found one who wasn’t afraid of the F-bomb: A man wrote to her that it was “great to see a feminist on Tinder” — he self-identifies as a Marxist feminist and has studied the history of gender inequality and how it has affected the economy, she says. “I see people allude to feminist traits in their profiles,” she says, such as men seeking women who are “independent or similarly successful” — or listing “Lean In” as a book they’ve read recently.Sometimes the signs of a person’s worldview are more subtle. ” Don’t wait around for someone else to make the first move.‘I find it really attractive how successful you are,” my date said, leaning in for a kiss. I’m hesitant to call myself a feminist, but I guess I wouldn’t shy away from the term.” In other words: Do we have to put a label on it? Is he a feminist if he proclaims, on a first date, that he could see himself taking his wife’s last name? It certainly made him more appealing than the guy who said, “Wow, you’re really ambitious,” like he was surprised. As one 32-year-old put it to The Washington Post Magazine last month: “I respect the movement.But if I want to spend time with someone and see if there’s something there, I’m comfortable initiating a first date — or a non-date date, depending on how bold I’m feeling.

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I’ve refined my approach over the years, so I’m not haphazardly confessing crushes.

“That’s an unnecessary worry,” she says, “because you can still admire the way a person is masculine or feminine without buying into a whole socioeconomic package that goes along with that.” When it comes to that attraction, a feminist man makes sure — verbally — that his partner is on board, rather than just forging ahead.

“Never assume I’d like it there,” as Annie Werner, a 25-year-old who works for Tumblr in New York, says when talking about the importance of sexual consent.

Things are moving in this direction: A 2014 study by the moving company Mayflower found that 72 percent of millennials would move for a female spouse’s job, compared with 59 percent of baby boomers.

The challenge of breaking out of rigid gender roles isn’t limited to straight daters.

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